I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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