he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
