I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
