My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
