I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
