did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
