glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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