I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
