Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
being pregnant is like rehab
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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