he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
