Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
