it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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