Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
