I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
