I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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