no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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