She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I want a musical about memes.
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