making cat noises will not fix the situation.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
