Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
