But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
