I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
