Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
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