So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
