You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
