The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
