Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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