The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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