EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
