Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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