So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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