it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
