no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
