her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
