bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
