Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
