And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Barsexuality is the new black.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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