Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
