I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
