You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
