Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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