i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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