Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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