I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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