sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Dignity is for republicans.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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