cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
so much tequila, so little girl.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
