I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
