New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
