never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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