dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
