Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
