Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
