Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
