i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
