he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
