so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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