If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Congratulations! We have a period
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